Paying the Price for Sexual Freedom

This week, I’ve found myself crushing on current Olympic swimming star, Ryan Lochte.  Imagine my delight when I stumbled across a headline about Ryan Lochte’s sex life.  Yeah, you know I clicked that.

Then it dawned on me; despite a (contested) habit of one-nighters, he doesn’t think Trivialization of Sex is attractive, whatsoever.

Here’s what we can glean:

“Women are evil.”

Lochte hates women.  His idea of a perfect woman, does not exist in his reality.  He is surrounded by females who are quick to jump into bed with him and, presumably, anyone else with a Greek God-of-a-bod and a pocket full of change.  How could he ever trust a woman like that…to bear his children?

He can’t.

Poor guy, he almost sounds hopeless, saying his love-life is “in shambles.”

Modern society has given us a world where, for the first time in history, women can treat sex like its No Big Deal.  (Males are naturals at this.)  Not only can we detect exactly when we’re ovulating, we’ve got an abundant supply of contraception at our fingertips.  There has probably never been a creature on Earth who has been able to cast aside their evolutionary role with such ease.

Males seem to detest women who readily give it up.  Or they consider women only as worthless, disposable objects.  (Because, who wants to spend his energy siring offspring that may or may not be his?!)

For better or worse, each step by the Feminist Movement, impinges upon male social dominance.  When they find themselves buried in resent, being progressively disempowered; the backlash is frightful.

The resistance of women’s (sexual) independence is not isolated in our country.  A wave of vicious acid attacks has been sweeping across the Eastern Hemisphere…

In Columbia, a current spike in these attacks has women’s rights advocates sounding worldwide calls of alarm:

‘“Sometimes in the West we make fast judgments and say, ‘Look how terrible they treat women in the East,’ and we don’t look first at ourselves,” said Monica Roa, the Bogota-based international programs director of Women’s Link Worldwide, a rights group.  “The violence here may be different, but it emanates from the same place.  This is a culture where machismo reigns, where men do what they want to do.”’

In Columbia, the attackers are usually jealous lovers, but a woman might also be splashed with acid by an angry stranger.  The damage includes permanent disfigurement of the face (sometimes losing eyes or eyelids, lips, nose and/or teeth) paired with a lifetime of psychological trauma I can only imagine…

One victim recalled her attacker saying, “this is so you don’t think you’re so pretty.”

If the West has chosen to promote promiscuity (via popular culture) while the East, violently attempts to stifle women’s sexual independence, almost entirely… how might these issues be related?

Lets take a stab.

The Gatekeeper Phenomenon has enough material for an entire book, but we can start here.  I usually begin with the question, “Why is women’s happiness on the decline?”  (It’s been going down since the 50’s.)  But now I realize, men are suffering too.

Resent, distrust and hate can eat you from the inside.

One of my good male friends is recovering from a tough divorce.  His wife cheated on him for several years.  He told me, when he needed to get cheered up, I was the first one he called.  Sometimes it was an ordeal, coping with his belligerent attitude towards women, but I invited him to join my kickball team and took the time to put him in his place, when it came down to it.

In the beginning, I got a little irritated because he never believed the details of my stories.  Not a fan of repeating points, I almost wanted to thump him for asking the same questions again and again.  Like my answers were going to change?

I couldn’t get mad; he was damaged.  There appears to be a pattern, in our society, of men affected by the same social disease.  Maybe even Lochte.  And it’s a trap, because any Lady who is healthy and whole is not looking to “hook up” with someone who needs to be rescued.

And she won’t be giving it up to her ideal choice for a man in a One Night Stand.

Trivialization of Sex is a trend that has appeared in the blink-of-an-evolutionary-eye.  Cheap, accessible & safe contraception was certainly not a matter of our ancestors’ social repertoire.  We have, pre-historically, been animals where the female must chose her mates carefully: the finest, the fittest, one who will provide.  We are gene-screening machines.


Is it wise to cast this role aside?


One thought on “Paying the Price for Sexual Freedom

  1. Very interesting though I’ve not been able to read the Lochte article (crashes my browser). These musings that I ponder here are all anecdotal and based on what I have seen in my experience.

    There are many who people in many places who can’t handle being single, they feel a strong need to pair-up, often through social conditioning, peer-pressure, and can’t understand why anyone would actually choose to be this way. They often feel ‘lucky’ to be with someone, anyone, in a relationship and so view someone who isn’t as ‘unlucky’ and requiring unneeded sympathy and/or rescuing! This is a really common illusion and seeds of mental/emotional illness in my view. In their mindset if you are single there is something wrong with you! Therefore the fact that one “is healthy and whole and not looking” fails to register.

    I believe that the longer people who think like and believe the illusion this remain unable to attract a good mate, the more mentally/emotionally ill and desperate they become. They may fixate on some unfortunate person in a stalkerly kind of way or involve themselves with someone, anyone, (usually unsuitable) so as not to be living alone, and this can lead to a very unstable and unhappy relationship. Failure at even finding a mate I think degrades to such an extent that it can become hatred and bitterness or lead to these crimes against the opposite sex. Repeated failed relationships after repeated failed relationship and an inability to learn from the mistakes and rectify personal flaws exacerbate this. And I’m talking about both men and women here. But for whatever reason it is more likely men that will express their inner turmoil through violent acts. Both sexes will often express this if not through violence but – not entirely undeserved in the case of women given their second class status in many societies – negative attitudes towards the opposite sex which increase as they age (one bad experience after another).

    For men who are seeing sexuality everywhere in ‘Western’ society, being unable to obtain a mate leads to frustration. For men in a places where sexuality is repressed can also lead to an inability to obtain a mate and lead to frustration. In both cases the frustration can manifest itself in its extremest form of violence against women.

    I think your divorcee male friend’s ‘damaged’ status can be explained in this way. In both cases, it is an unwillingness or inability to positively change one’s mindset, viewpoint, approach to and way of life that is the root cause of the damage they exhibit.

    Being single is neither better nor worse than being in a relationship, only different. There are pros and cons of both situations, and for myself, right now I’m happier as a singleton than I’ve ever been in my life previously, in and out of relationships. If I were to involve myself in a long-term relationship again, I’d choose very carefully – I guess that makes me a gene-screening gatekeeper too.

    And if you want to be in a relationship and what you are doing isn’t working time-aftertime, stop “being yourself” (worst advice to give someone ever!) and be prepared to change yourself into someone who is a more desirable and better person by doing good and interesting things and taking care of yourself better. In other words, embrace your singlehood and lose the feeling of needing to be in a relationship. It’s no coincidence that many couples meet when they were just going out for a good-time with their friends and ‘not-looking’ to meet anyone :)

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