You already know we got into the All Star soccer match. You know who won (and it was a nail biter)! And you probably know some guy announced his retirement from MLS. Tickets were the most expensive for any soccer match ever, in the United States. Here is perhaps, the last thing left to say about that day:
PROVIDENCE PARK PROVIDES CONDOMS – BUT NOT FEMININE SUPPLIES – FOR IT’S PATRONS.
Hopefully this is about to change.
Let’s rewind to the beginning. Briefly, because we have other things to discuss. (Did you know Hulk Hogan celebrated his 61st birthday in Portland yesterday?) This soccer project started over a year ago, when Georgia and I met Mark Abbott, “Major League Soccer President and Deputy Commissioner” and several of his associates last time they were in town. It was the day they made the big announcement: The 2014 All-Star Game was going to be here!
Made a mental note to reach out when the moment arrived. When my emails and Facebook messages fell on deaf ears, figured the dude I was pinging must have a girlfriend by now.
Tried other angles. Including press access. Sent messages Monday and Tuesday to a woman who handles the media on behalf of MLS. Even met her in person at the Foot Golf event, where she said she probably can’t get me press credentials at such late notice, but maybe tickets.
“That would be great,” said I, with a tad too much excitement. She was obviously blowing me off.
“Georgia, hit up the MLS guys from last year.”
The one who liked Georgia, a sports agent, was happy to hear from her again! Met him an hour before kickoff. We were delivered to a VIP entrance and up an elevator to a couple suites and an elaborate buffet. (Passed the unhelpful press person along the way.)
“Grab a plate ladies. Eat! Drink as much as you want!”
Did as we were told, jumping into the buffet line with… a bunch of the Portland Timbers! Recognized several from the VIP party earlier in the week. The party hosts were Timbers’ Technical Director, Gavin Wilkinson, and the VP of Timbers’ Corporate Partnerships, Todd Spear.
All that was fine and dandy, until SOMEONE had a feminine emergency. Missed a good chunk of the first half searching the entire stadium for a tampon.
We’re sent to the medic station, a tiny office with no one inside. Scanned the cabinets, nothing there but basic medical supplies. Managed to track down the medics (who’d been watching the match in the stands).
Georgia was being her usual gut-busting self. Told her to take it down a notch.
“Do not make me laugh Georgia. Serious.”
Course that made her say something funny. The situation itself was comical… too desperate to care if I was talking to strangers about a period. It was hard not to laugh!
The medics re-searched the same cabinets, no avail. One said, “Wait right here,” and dashed off somewhere. The other suggested going halfway around the stadium to patron services to see if they might have any. Told him running… or walking, really… anywhere… is not an option. Just in time, his (female) partner retuned with a small paper bag of supplies.