April 20th was one heckuva ride. It started at 4:30AM, because my buddy Aaron needed a favor. Aaron has two soapbox derby vehicles this year and the rules stipulate that each vehicle needs a unique “warm body” to show up and register. Official registration started at 7AM. But! There are always more teams who want to race than the race can accommodate. This year there were 50 teams jockeying to race but only 42 slots available. That meant we had to arrive extra early, to wait in line. The first people got there at 3:30! We pulled in at 5:30AM and were #25 and 26 in line. It took a few hours to get through the process. Then, around 9AM I was delivered back home, where I promptly went back to bed. In case you aren’t familiar with the PDX Adult Soapbox Derby, here’s one of my episodes about it – always one of the best Portland events of the summer. This year it’s August 17th, so mark your calendar!
Later, wandered up to Mt. Tabor Park for the annual 420 summit. It’s a naturally occurring phenomenon where all the stoners in the area make their way to the top of Mt. Tabor Park for a massive smoke out. Yes, I’ve made an episode about that too. This year, at exactly 4:20PM, there was a wedding!
Around 6PM, a couple gal pals arrived at my place, where we examined the endless list of 420 events, opting first for a sunset rooftop party at Division Heights. We made it to three more parties before one of my gal pals checked out. The remaining pair of us pushed on, to a dual birthday in a series of locations, finally culminating at a private hillside home, ten minutes outside of Portland. That’s when someone gave us each a handful of mushrooms and things got WEIRD.
I would’ve never been invited to this particular party, because it’s an exclusive clique of very attractive/wealthy people. The only reason I ended up there was being in the company of my exceptionally gorgeous friend. We’d bumped into a lady earlier in the day who was so happy to see her, she immediately forwarded us both the invite. My friend is not ONLY a beauty, but she’s also newly single, so everyone – especially in that group – loves having her around.
However! Once the mushrooms kicked in, she transformed into a bit of a spaz. She was having the best time! But no one had seen her behave in anything less than a sophisticated/ladylike manner. So as she bopped around having what looked like the time of her life, certain members of the clique took me aside, attempting to have me reel her in. One of the worst was Scott. He was troubled by the way she was hanging onto other men. Yeah, he was jealous alright. A little while later, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted me to remove her from the party. Talk about a sore loser! Reminded me of a scene in a gangster movie where the mob boss tries forcing one of his underlings to take out their own friend.
Another guy, Benny, kept shoving red cups in her face, that were spilling over with hard alcohol. PRO TIP: No one needs booze when they’re peaking on mushrooms. (And we’d already been drinking all evening.) I said to the guy, “More booze is the last thing we need right now.”
To which he responded, “ARE YOU CALLING ME A RAPIST?!”
Ugh. Tried to keep an eye on my friend from a fair distance, so as not to smother or patronize her. Waited until the mushrooms wore off a bit, before catching a ride back into town. What a trip!
I have since quit smoking weed. Those of you who know me will understand, this is a huge revelation.